Yay 2009!!!……

Here I am another year older and hopefully wiser; I can’t believe I’m 22 or that it’s 2009! There’s so much that happened in 2008 that I wish I had taken more time to appreciate the moment fully. I was blessed to have my graduation ceremony for high school/GED, I started college, successfully completed my first semester with quite a descent GPA for my first semester 3.25, I made some amazing friends, learned more things than I expected to learn about music, life, love, sex, relationships, friendships, family, art, opera, theater, and myself.

I know what I’m about to say is going to sound terribly corny and silly but, here it goes: I made a resolution for 2008 that I am very proud to repot I actually kept- I swore I’d take chances, the inspiration for that resolution is Celine Dion’s Taking Chances CD and I am so happy I did because it made me a better person, a better friend, and taught me a lot about life. In one semester my life changed more than I could have expected to, I’m finally studying what I love Music, I got a talent scholarship to study music and even more shocking to me- I successfully performed before an audience and not only loved it but managed to overcome my performance anxiety. I am amazed at how God has truly showed me how powerful he is, I now understand that he really is in control. For many reasons over the last few years my faith was slowly dying but I know how powerful it is to know there’s someone on my side, going to school with me every day and guiding each step I take. Even though I feel small sometimes in that big school I know I am on the track that will get me to where I want to go.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

XOXO

WOW first post of 2009….

Here I am another year older and hopefully wiser; I can’t believe I’m 22 or that it’s 2009! There’s so much that happened in 2008 that I wish I had taken more time to appreciate the moment fully. I was blessed to have my graduation ceremony for high school/GED, I started college, successfully completed my first semester with quite a descent GPA for my first semester 3.25, I made some amazing friends, learned more things than I expected to learn about music, life, love, sex, relationships, friendships, family, art, opera, theater, and myself.

I know what I’m about to say is going to sound terribly corny and silly but, here it goes: I made a resolution for 2008 that I am very proud to repot I actually kept- I swore I’d take chances, the inspiration for that resolution is Celine Dion’s Taking Chances CD and I am so happy I did because it made me a better person, a better friend, and taught me a lot about life. In one semester my life changed more than I could have expected to, I’m finally studying what I love Music, I got a talent scholarship to study music and even more shocking to me- I successfully performed before an audience and not only loved it but managed to overcome my performance anxiety. I am amazed at how God has truly showed me how powerful he is, I now understand that he really is in control. For many reasons over the last few years my faith was slowly dying but I know how powerful it is to know there’s someone on my side, going to school with me every day and guiding each step I take. Even though I feel small sometimes in that big school I know I am on the track that will get me to where I want to go.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

XOXO

Voice jury verdict, or lack there of….

I made it through Voice Jury, I managed to get through my time slot without passing out or having a melt down and running out of the room. I sang Love has Eyes first which was originally my second song, and I’m very glad I did because half way through Gail Sole Dal Gange I forgot which part of the second verse went first. I know the dumbest thing ever, I know the lyrics but I couldn’t remember which part of it went first, it’s like they all jumbled up in my head.

Either way my voice teacher said she should have my grade by Monday, I’m slightly nervous to find out what it is, it’s probably a C I felt like a total idiot. Before my royal screw-up I was not doing that bad, the judges were smiling but I’m not sure if that was because I was sounding good or because they were trying to make me feel comfortable. I really don’t know, all I can do now is wait.

Where does the heart beat now….

Why is it that the things we want the most can prove to be the most difficult to obtain? Sometimes it feels like I’ve been looking for the “one” since I was five years old. There have been a few times in my seemingly long life that I thought I was close, and then fate proved me wrong. I’ve only truly loved one man in my life and my heart was shattered when it ended, and for a while there I didn’t think I’d ever again believe in love, much less find it again. But now that I’ve had time to lick my wounds and learn from my past I find that although I never thought I’d get over that huge blow, I find that I am now stronger and wiser than before. I guess it all depends on what you choose to do with the lemons life gives you, do you choose to make lemonade or do you choose to whine about the lemons you got?

Is something broken in me that cannot be fixed? Sometimes I ask myself that question, I haven’t had that; earth shaking, butterfly colony in my stomach, oh-my-god feeling in so long that I wonder if it’s me that’s the problem. After heartbreak, can you ever really love again? If you can is it ever truly honest or do you only share a part of yourself in order to self-protect in case it doesn’t work out and you are left again?

In the end is it all one big lie?

Focusing on what matters…

I’ve been doing research on colleges for the last few weeks because I needed the information for a paper I needed to do on the college I want attend for my bachelors degree. After I decided on Florida State University started the hard work, I logged onto that website so many times I lost count. There’s just so many little details that all go into one another. I have about a year to prepare for my audition in 2010 for the fall of that year. Yet, I still have to work on repertoire, fill out and send my applications, and before I do any of that I must get honor student status. I have to have a minimum of a 3.0 GPA just to apply to the school, that’s not to mention the rest of the things I have to do before I audition. I have a lot of work to do regarding Musicianship, I need to improve my sight singing skills and force myself to really practice every day. I don’t even know why I was spending so much time kissing W, what the hell was I thinking? Wasted time now I have to make up, see this is why I hate breaking from routine. It’s best to stick with what I know I need to do. I don’t have time to worry about foolishness like kissing some guy, or even dating. What on earth is that going to do for me when it comes to my auditions and school applications? Not a damn thing. So I’m shifting my focus from what doesn’t matter to what actually does.

It’s a new day ladies and gentlemen…

Tis the season for magic….

I’m so excited Christmas is almost here!!! I can’t wait to go shopping, I know this is a crazy time for shopping but I love the energy in the stores, the Christmas music, the feeling of joy in the cool weather. Ok maybe I’m sounding like I’m a little out of it, but I can’t help myself. I just love this time of year, it’s so cool to see how most people tend to have more compassion during this season, and it’s just so wonderful to see. I heard about this guy on TV this morning who had worked hard to buy his mom a diamond ring and was going to give it to her for Christmas but she died recently, so he dropped the ring in one of those salvation army Christmas collection buckets or something. He said he wanted to see it go to good use. People don’t do that usually at any other time, there’s just something magical about this time of year. I love it!

Jury!!!…..

I have jury coming up next Thursday which is the final for all music majors. You have to perform each piece you’ve been working on in the current semester. I’m so nervous, apparently it’s not really a big deal or so Ms. D says, she’s my voice teacher. I’m still nervous because I have to sing in front of the entire vocal faculty, I’m sure it will be the longest 10 minutes of my life. My Italian piece is coming along better than my English piece, which I find odd. Personally I am not so sure this song is a great song for me but whatever. Love has eyes is in and so is Gail Sole Dal Gange I’m so nervous! I hear it’s worse at other music colleges. I’m just going to walk into that room and sing my heart out, regardless of how scary it is, I have to face and get over my fears now. Like they say; there’s no time like the present.

Almost there!….

I can’t believe thanksgiving break is on Tuesday! I’m so excited about having some time off, I can’t wait to sleep until I feel like getting up or read the books I have saved for the break. I will be reading The Inner Voice by Renee Fleming and Basics of Vocal Pedagogy by Clifton Ware. I have so much going on in my life that I haven’t had time to read non school books, but I certainly have missed it.

This thanksgiving break I will be studying my musicianship textbook so when I come back from break I’ll be able to pass the test. I’m so excited about next semester because I have all of these things wonderful classes that I honestly can’t wait to take.

Well dear readers, I must be off. I need to see if the Practice rooms in the Music building are open.

XOXO

Off to the Opera…

I’m off to the opera tonight and I am in an amazingly good mood today, I think it’s the weather; it’s just so beautiful outside. I love this time of year, when it’s so close to Christmas and the weather has gotten cooler. I feel so relaxed, yet, I know that I have a lot going on in my life that causes my stress level to increase I’m ok for now.

Last night I chatted with Andrew for a while again last night, I can’t believe I’d forgotten how much I loved talking with him. I’m having a good time getting to know him again. I realized last night I haven’t seen him since my grandparents wedding, which is like six years! That’s so wrong.

Anyway I need to get going now; I have some things I want to get out of the way before my voice lesson.

XOXO

I hate this class!!!!….

I’m sure all off my fellow college students out there know what it’s like to take some classes that annoy the shit out of you. I know I love most of my classes because I’m ether learning something useful or its music related which to me is useful. I am taking a “Student Success” class right now that in my opinion is more work than it’s worth. I just found out this morning that I have an “Exploration Paper” due next Wednesday regarding my education, this class is the biggest pain in the ass, I really don’t want to do any of this shit but I need the grade for my GPA and I need it because it’s a prerequisite, I hate that word and I hate this class. The teacher is pretty cool but the book is ridicules, I have more shit from this class than I know what to do with. It’s only a prerequisite because I didn’t get two points more on my placement test; otherwise I would not be in this mess.

Midterm Freak Out!…..

I have a sight singing test on Tuesday morning after my Musicianship class and I’m feeling like an idiot again. I know I can make sense of all these things if I just relax and focus, I did it this afternoon when I was re-reading the chapter on scales. I just need to get a grip on myself, I don’t know why I’m freaking out this much now when the semester is almost over and I’m passing the class. I am going to make tonight a spa night; I’m going to use my organic bath salt, body butter and lotion to relax then I’m going to hit the books once again.

I know I can do this, I am not going to give up when I’m this close to finishing the semester and getting.

Fighting with myself…..

Tonight I’m off to a master class to watch a friend perform, it’s also an audition. Last night as we talked about it I realized I envied him, I know I haven’t practiced much since the semester begun and I feel really stupid because of it, what is wrong with me? So what if I’m tired and have a ton of work to do? I should be working my ass off to improve. I’ve been given an amazing chance to study music and receive training from wonderful teachers, why am I not taking advantage of that?

Other than laziness I can’t think of another reason, this is what I want and I can’t just lie down and die, I can’t just give it up because… I’m tired, it’s foolish and ridicules.

What really matters…..

Right now I know I should be studying but instead I’m focusing on a song by Sara Bareilles named Fairytale, I love the message the song has, personally I didn’t realize until a few years ago that I realized life was not, nor would it ever be a fairytale. Prince charming doesn’t exist; there is no white knight that will solve all your problems. The only one who can take you out of the mess that you’ve made of your life is you with God’s help. There has to be a responsibility that women take for their lives, I decided not long ago I was not going to do what everyone else wanted me to do with my life, this is who I am, how I choose to be and damn it if I feel like wearing makeup I will, if I don’t fuck it! Life doesn’t end, the world won’t stop spinning and my skin will not break out because of the lack of makeup.

I’ve learned not to make mountains out of stupid little molehills, life is a precious gift; one that goes by too quickly and it’s too important to spend worrying about stupid things like finding the perfect person or whether or not you’re in the cool group. It’s not worth the time to worry about meaningless things that in the end won’t matter. I would be thrilled to meet the right person for me, but I’m not going to lose my mind if I don’t. If God sees fit for me to find the man he’s created for me, great. Let’s do it, otherwise I really don’t see the point in wasting my time worrying if tom, dick, or harry think I’m hot.

Tiny update….

So a tiny update for those who’ve written asking what is going on in my life.

 

I am in college, have been  since August, I’m so tired most of the time and it annoys me because I can barely do what I need to do so i have no time for what i want to do. It’s a huge pain in the ass, but i just need to get through the semester and i’ll be ok.

 

I’ll write a more detailed post later this week.

 

Love yas!

Lorey

Update on me....

I know it’s been a very long time since I wrote an entry for this blog but In my defense it’s been pure madness since school started in late August. I was able to receive a scholarship to study music in the college where I’m currently attending. I must say it’s both terrifying and fulfilling. I am totally in love with my Opera/Music Theater Workshop! The people are absolutely amazing and the class is more fun than work. I’m trying hard to get out of my comfort zone by making friends in all of my music classes. I just have to say I’m just barely catching up in my Musicianship I class. I have an assignment due on scales and I’m totally stuck. The work is never done but I have to admit I’m totally in love with the music department.
I’m taking voice lessons with Carla Delvillageio who is the sweetest person ever; I know I’m going to learn a lot from her.

For now this is all, I’ll be writing in soon.
Happy Singing

How Dreams Come True….

Below is the MySpace Blog entry I wrote regarding how I came to be a Music Major at my school, this was a summarized version so bare with me.

Ok, get ready because what I'm about to say is really crazy..

On Wednesday of last week I went to my only music class this semester which is called Voice Class, it's supposed to be for people who have no previous vocal training, but since one of the things you learned in the class was sight singing, I signed up for it. I met my teacher Ms. Delvillaggeio who asked which of us had taken voice lessons, and what music artists we liked. I raised my hand, mentioned who I'd studied with and Cecilia Bartoli and Anna Netrebko as two of the artists I liked. She asked me to stay after class and speak to her.

Mind you I wasn't going to mention anything about my previous teachers but I decided to be honest. I took the class because I know I'm behind in my music studies and figured it would be a good place to sort of catch up.

Next thing I know it's after class, I'm in one of the practice rooms with her singing, she turned to me and asked "what are you doing in my class?" I explained to her why, she then asked why I wasn't in the voice program, I replied I wasn't aware they had one. So she talked to the Director of the Music department, they got me a scholarship because financial aid wouldn't cover the additional classes for this term or something. And now I'm officially a Music Major- still considered under degree General Studies A.A.

But can I say how freaking awesome this is!! I can't believe how God worked it all out, I've never been so overwhelmed in my life. Now I'm in Ms. D's Opera Workshop which is a dream come true, I'm finally studying what I love. It was like God was saying "Here's what you've been praying for, along with a pretty red bow to go with it." I mean down to the books I needed. Financial Aid gave me more money to buy the books for my Musicianship class. I am so in awe of all these wonderful blessings I'm running out of ways to thank God here. (It is a great gift and I fully intend to take advantage of it.)

And last but not least, My voice teacher is Ms D! I am totally loving my life right now…

The last two days I've been thinking a lot about this guy I used to like, mostly because I had a dream I was making out with him. It was so hot it got me thinking, why not? I have no idea if he's still interested but we'll see if something happens. He used to be really easy-going and funny. Let's hope he hasn't lost that in the last four years.

If my life would be that simple that would mean the boyfriends and men I've dated in the last seven years could have been avoided. Which is a bit tragic to think of, if my love life could really be tied up in such a neat little bow? I would have loved to date him back then but we were so much younger, I really don't know if it would have worked out for us. His lips felt so real, I hated waking up when I did. I really wanted to know what was going to happen next. It felt effortless, sweet, even... innocent. The kissing was really great, I mean spectacular. His hair looked like it did when we met, but his body was the body of a man, sexy, pretty muscular. It's really silly I know... we almost kissed once after we'd been to an event. But we weren't alone. A big part of me regrets that

Embarking on a new Journey....

After all the stress in the past three months of my life I am finally where I want to be, starting college in just a few short days. This in my opinion is both a good and bad thing. The only music class I could get this semester is a Voice Class which from what I understand is a class where you learn the fundamentals of singing, which happens to be the name of the book for that class. I really wanted to take music theory but couldn't find a time that worked for me from what was open. Which may be a blessing in disguise, I already have 13 credits and Music Theory would have brought it up to 17, I don't want to push myself that much in my first semester.

I'll write again soon after my first class on August 25th which happens to be Voice Class, YAY!!

Dear Readers....

I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Since my last post I've attended orientation, registered, purchased my school books and school supplies, cut my hair (*see picture below) and managed to organize my bedroom; desk included!

Needless to say I am beyond thrilled to start my classes, I'll admit there was a while there I was afraid I wouldn't be able to start College this fall, thank God I was mistaken. I was blessed with more financial aid than I expected; enough to cover my tuition, books and school supplies. All I have left to do is go to class on Monday.

I'm feeling a little nervous but more excited than anything else, I've been dreaming of going to college for as I've known what college was and now It's my turn, finally.

I'll be taking 13 credits this semester, I'm hoping I can get all of my prerequisites taken care of in one semester but if I can't at least the majority of them.

I'll check in after my first day to fill you in on how it went. Wish me luck!

Feeling small in a big place...

Life is busy right now. I've already signed up for orientation and I'm about to register for the classes. I can't help but feel small in this huge place. College is going to be an interesting if not amazing experice, yet, I'm still nervous.

I'll write in again when i can, Thanks for the e mails and comments.

I’m getting the final paper work done for college! I’m so excited, I’ll be taking the CPT soon probably next week. I hope I get a good enough score so I don’t have to do a pre college class. That would really bumb me out.
Well until next time. I’ll be posting again when I can.

XOXO

Sacrifices must be made......

Through the time I've been singing, even before I decided to focus on classical music. I had a lot of problems with my voice, most of them were because I didn't care for my instrument as I should have. I screamed when I went out, drank a lot of caffeine, and talked on the phone for hours on end. Since I've actually been learning how to care for my voice by avoiding caffeine before I practice or perform, Controlling my sneezing and coughing, and well... you get the idea. I've been changing a lot of things in my life, for example when I'm on the phone I make sure the other person speaks more, that I take breaks when they do, and drink a lot of water. It's just common sense.

I've also learned that if I'm going to be the kind of singer I want to be I have to be willing to make sacrifices, one of them would be I no longer have meat, this wasn't a decision I made solely to lose weight, although that is a plus. I decided this because I knew I needed to control myself and my eating habits not to mention that everything I eat affects my instrument, I use my instrument daily whether I like it or not. I am going to lose this weight once and for all, regardless of how hungry I feel. It's only hunger, right?

Sacrifice means giving up something good for something better, and that is the truth.

This is my Motivation

Anna Netrebko

Back to Basics.....

Ever have one of those days when you're just stuck in your own head? Since last night I've been like this. I hate all the noise I have going on right now, I feel overwhelmed by my own thoughts. I hate feeling like that. Today I was determined to practice and did, my voice isn't as bad as I was expecting, It's actually not that bad right now. I stopped practicing a few months back simply because I'd lost all motivation and drive. I was letting my passion go simply because of what a couple of people said. Thankfully I snapped out of it, it would have been such a mistake if I hadn't realized it. Now I'm slowly getting back on track, I will be practicing everyday until my voice is back in shape, I figure it will take a few weeks. I am going to take it slowly to make sure I don't force my voice to do anything it's not yet ready to do. I Don’t want to set myself back even further by losing my voice. Today I only did warm ups and vocal exercises for about 15 minutes. Which granted, isn't close to the hour or two I did before. But I'm solely focusing on warm ups, breathing, music theory, and vocal exercises until my voice is back in shape.

I loved it, feeling the sound fill my body and flow out of my lips. I remembered how good it feels to have music flowing out of you..... There's nothing like it.

Today I've also been doing a lot of research on singer's do's and don'ts, vocal health information, and anything else I can get my hands on. I'm feeling good about the work I'm doing right now, as I said earlier this evening; I'm not where I want to be, yet, but I am closer.

Fat Lady singing vs. Skinny Lady....

Last night I was googling for no good reason and came across this post on Operas.com Regarding the saying "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings." to read the entire entry you'll have to go there yourself. The reason I'm bringing this up is because he brought up something I never thought about. "Is the fat lady better than the skinny one? Does the fat lady have more momentum in her diaphragm? A wider lung capacity? A stronger push to her airflow? Why does the fat lady get all the attention?

Based on technique alone, there doesn't seem to be any advantage in having a wider middle as a singer. Overweight singers are more difficult to train for proper technique, because it is harder to read their body language while they sing. Since singing is a full-body experience, and not just a head-throat-mouth-chest operation, being able to perfect your entire body technique is vital to getting the most from your organ, the voice box.

Even if a person already has a great singing technique, the extra weight can have a detrimental effect on one's singing. Breath management may be poorer so that the sound is wobbly, the breath itself is noisy, the vibrato is irregular and phrases may end weakly.

Of course, some argue that extra fat in the vocal folds and around the midsection can actually add to the pleasing character of the tone and vibrato of the voice. Many teachers may argue that this varies from case to case and that most singers are better off physically and vocally from a healthy body weight.

Opera is not just about singing - there is acting, and drama that play very important parts in adding inflection and character to the storyline. While a larger frame adds its own character to a role, it may not always be the character that the composer is seeking, or the extra weight may inhibit certain activities, like dancing or leaping, that are desired from the storyline. As a result, the larger singer may be limited in the roles that they receive.

However, the fat lady does have a much greater presence overall than the thin one, which can be very valuable on stage. Most theaters have many rows way in the back, making it difficult to see some of the nuances of acting that occur on stage, more or less the actual characters. When the main role is filled by a woman that is easily seen, the patron can relax and enjoy the show instead of squinting to see each act. - Angela Bull"

While I am overweight and there are some things I don't do because I can't, it never made me wonder if I'd sing better if I were thinner. I have heard some things regarding singing and weight over the years but nothing ever really made me really chew on it like this post. I have read about singers who after losing a dramatic amount of weight lost some depth to their voices but I'm not sure if that was just theory or fact. Then I remembered a few years ago reading about Deborah Voigt and her struggles with weight leading her to decide to have gastric bypass surgery. I haven't read anything about whether or not the weight loss affected her voice but I am curious.

What do you all think?

Welcome to Mezzo Life

My name is Laura (aka Lorey, Lo) and I am a 21 year old woman learning about the wonders of the classical music field. I have been studying voice for a couple of years. As you may have figured out from the title of the blog I am a Mezzo-Soprano, or at least this is what the popular opinion seems to be among my passed teachers. While I still have a long ways to go I am enjoying the journey. My practices consist of warm ups and vocal exercises, Not a whole hell of a lot of fun. But in the long run I know it will help me get to the Music I really do want to sing, Opera, Classical, and Musical Theater.

My first vocal Teacher was H. Kanoa Greene she is the one who introduced me to this wonderful world, and I will forever be grateful to her. Unfortunately she moved a while ago ( Miss ya Kanoa!!) But I will always remember what I learned from her.

For now that is all, it's really late and I must get to bed...

Burned toast and Spilled Milk.....

Anyone who's known me longer than 10 minutes knows my main focus in life is Music. I've been singing since I was maybe 3 years old. It's my first love, passion and above all the most functional relationship I've had in my life. However it's been an incredibly hard journeyas I was not as blessed as others for a natural knack for music theory, or abundant funds to pursue voice studies, but I digress.

A couple of months ago I was on the phone with someone who I consider a friend, who has always supported my musical aspirations. More than that he's pushed me, for whatever reason that day he told me "Maybe it's time to give it up." Uhh NO! I've worked too hard, sacrificed way too much, and have gone through great lengths to pay for the instruction. Now I'm finally getting to a point where it's not only going to be easier, but I'll have a well rounded education because it wont be just singing it will be Music Theory, Musicianship, and so much more. I'll be in college and finally able to study what I love. It amazes me how just when things are looking up someone tries to knock you down, because they're feeling insecure, or they've given up on their goal/dream. It's stupid, that’s what it is really.

I'm not going to lie and say "oh well that's his opinion, I think I'll keel over and die now..." No, I'm no longer the type of person that decides to give up and forget about what she really loves, besides Music is the only thing that hasn't broken my heart, and I for one am not about to give up on it.

For any other musician, or artist heck anyone who has a dream out there. Don't let someone knock your dream because theirs didn’t come true. Or they didn't have the balls to chase after their dream. Sometimes people tell you things because they are having a bad day or simply spilled their milk or burned their toasts that morning, In other words. don't let burnt toast and spilled milk ruin your future, or make you give up your dream. Words only have the power you give them, keep that in mind.

Music, More than just words.....

I love good music and when I find an artist who's music speaks to me and is also easy on the ears I just can't get enough. I am an admirer of Natasha Bedingfield, I love everything of hers that I've heard, thus far. Especially Soulmate, Single, Unwritten, These Words, Wild Horses, Say it again, Pocket Full of Sunshine, and Love Like This. I love it when there's an artist that sings about the place I'm in at that exact moment. I don't know if she writes all of her own music, but I do have to say I've had many days lately when her songs have gotten me through. It's amazing how something as simple as a song or a movie can get you through something hard.

Music has always been a big part of me, my life, and my long term goals. It's great having artists like John Mayer, Kate Voegele, Missy Higgins, and of course NB who feel or have felt the same things I'm living right now.

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Late night picture taking.....

So tonight I got really bored (maybe tipsy) after a glass of wine and decided to play around with my web cam.

Change is a part of evolution....

This passed Sunday I had the confrontation of my life. I wont go into specifics because the details really are not that important. All I will say about it is that I was able to make it through without giving into my ego. It felt like everything I learned the passed few months with A New Earth and the webcast had just fallen into place within me. I didn't even feel like I was thinking, I didn't loose control. In fact the other person did, all because his ego and pain-body took over. While I know things will never go back to the way they were, I'm ok with that. I feel like I've grown as a person and I'm very satisfied with the recent changes in my life.

I have no idea what's next but I'm open to it.

While reading A New Earth I've learned so much about myself and the people around me. I'm also grateful for the opportunity I've had while taking these classes on Oprah.com. There's just something I'm having trouble with. The Pain-body, getting rid of it is easier said than done. I'm now on Chapter 7 (yes, I know very behind in the book.) but I still feel like I'm missing something, I think I'm going to go back to Chapter 3 and re-read it from there. I think that maybe where I started to lose my concentration.

On another note: Yesterday at the job agency (which I hated) I took a typing test and found out I type 38 words per minute with a 99% accuracy. That’s more than anyone I know. I'm so thrilled!

Today I'm going to a job agency for an interview and hopefully get a job in the next few days. I have to get this negativity out of my head because I'm dreading it and I don't know why exactly, maybe fear of the unknown? I just really want to feel good about it, how do you force yourself to be present and not resist it? this is a good thing they specialize in permanent placement, they want to get you a job you'll be happy with.

I'm going to do some meditating, maybe that will help.

Laters

XOXOXO

Major step for Lo...

I finally decided to open up to dating. Since I'm starting college this fall and I'm finally ready to move on. I've changed my profile on MySpace to say I'm interested in dating and serious relationships because you never know who you'll meet, right? I am simply sending a message out into the universe that I am ready to meet someone. What happens after that is not in my hands. Truthfully I'm thrilled because while this is probably a small step for most people, for me it's a pretty big deal. And I can't wait to see what happens!

Dating scene here I come!....

College, Apartments, Moving, and Jobs......

Why is applying for college so freaking difficult!? I need a book or a website that says step by step what I need to do. I'm going to community college, hopefully. But the whole thing is really overwhelming me. I already did my FAFSA application yesterday, I found out I didn't need to take the ACT but since I did and my scores sucked I'm taking the CPT. Good news is it is an untimed test and it's only English, Reading, and Mathematics. Bad news I can't use a calculator in the math portion, only scratch paper. Grrrr!!.... I'm working this crap out one way or another. As far as the study guide I need to get those this month so I can turn in my application and then show up once I'm in the system or however it works. From what I can tell I'll be getting financial aid and probably some sort of grant or grants because my parents income is so small, which is a major relief.

I'm still stressing out over the job I interviewed for on Tuesday because today is when they said they'd be calling the two people who were hired. I'm kind of up in the air right now because I feel confident and then I don't. I want this job so much I can taste it. I feel the interview went very well but that doesn't always guarantee the job. It would be perfect for me too, the hours, the pay, the health insurance!

Oh and we found another apartment a few minutes away from where we live now since the one we were moving to turned out to be wrong for us. We took a look at the apartment yesterday and can you say amazing!!?? compared to the apartment we have now it's a major step up. I really want to move there, god help me!

Well I'm off, I'll post if I hear from the job.

Laters

XOXOXO


Dining room

Living Room

Master bedroom/My room with bath


Kitchen/ Laundry Room

Endless 'To Do' List....

The last few days I felt kind of down because I felt a pretty much like an idiot when I got it through my thick skull that I couldn't take this hostess job for a second longer. I thought it was going to be easier than it was, can you say wrong?
So I was feeling like a total spazz for not being able to cut it. Now Tuesday monring I have an interview for this company downtown and I can't wait! (Yes, it's the one I mentioned in my previous post.)

I can't believe the New Earth classes on Oprah.com are almost over, I have to catch up on like four weeks of the book. I've totally gotten distracted by everything that's been happening the job at Universal Studios that I sucked at, the ACT test and oh yeah I'll have to retake that because I totally fucked it up. Aside from that I've been working on my room because I'm no where near packed, which is one of the reasons why we're staying in this apartment another month. Why is moving so freaking complicated!

Anyways tonight I'm sitting here listening to Melissa Etheridge thinking about all the changes that have been happening in my life these passed few months. It's not that I'm not happy about it, it's simply that I feel like a total dork for not catching up to things faster. Ether way I'm alright, better than alright I'm content... at least for the time being.

Now if only I could get this college to be a thing checked on my To Do list, I'd be a little less stressed. but I'm trying to put into practice the New Earth Principles. I'll live is what I'm trying to say...

Laters
XOXOXO

Hostess no more....

So working as a hostess was not even close to what I was expecting and after two days I quit. It was way too much for me and I just couldn't take it. So I'm going back to reception jobs, I applied for some and this one that starts at $10.00 full time.

On another note: I don't know what is wrong but I have like no freaking desire to work on my music, it's like I have no passion. Somewhere along the line I lost my way. It used to be all about the music, I couldn't wait to practice and now I pretty much dread it. But I'm making it change one way or another, I realized I'm not present when I practice. I sing just for the hell of it because I feel like I have to. That's not how I should be approaching something that used to give me so much joy. I think I have let the stresses and distractions of my life derail me from the path I was on, I need to make little goals for myself. Kind of like stepping stones and take it one step at a time.


Well I'm off...
XOXOXOXO

Finally over!.....

I don't think I can express how happy I am that this week is over! I really was starting to think it was never going to finish. I met with one of my managers today and I start training this Tuesday. I can't believe in all the chaos I managed to see one seriously hot guy, Chef and so tall. At least it's entertainment haha... My feet are killing me and I'm so tired I can't think.

I'm off to bed.... ZZzzzzzz.........

Laters
XOXOXO

Feeling Naughty....

Why do I enjoy being naughty so much? Usually I'm a very responsible, and mature person but then I have my days when I'm utterly naughty. They're my favorite to be honest. Since I'm avoiding the whole dating thing until I find someone who at the very least peaks my interest I occasionally talk with M he's a friend that knows how to bring out my naughty side, I wonder if it's because he's older? I think so, but I'm so not in the mood to psychoanalyze myself right now. It's just so effortless, too bad I don't get to see him often, I'd like to. However I do know it couldn't be much more than it is. We are just too different, but at least I know the sex is good. What's the harm in that?

Laters
XOXOXO

Note to the readers....

Tonight I while watching the Oprah episode from this afternoon I decided to edit a post and to my surprise I found 4 comments from previous posts. I'm so happy to hear your feedback, while it's true I post on often about all these thoughts I have bouncing around in my head I do like the interaction with people I may or may not know. If there's one thing I've learned in the last couple of years is that we are all different in many ways but deep down we're all the same because we're all human. I want to take the time to say thank you to all of you who read my blog and took time to comment, please keep it up, I love hearing from you and it really means a lot to know that my thoughts aren't just going out into the great black hole that is the internet. Because I've gotten a few messages on MySpace asking about where they can send E-mails I've made a new one LoLuv25@live.com

Looking forward to reading more from my readers... lol ok even I had to laugh at that one : )
Before I go I wanted to mention that I am on several sites and if you like the blog please vote for it.

Laters
XOXOXO

Late morning blogging.....

To tell you the truth it's almost 11am and I have done absolutely nothing productive with my day. I'm listening to Nelly Furtado and updating my blog mostly because I can and because I'm home with nothing to do until Sunday when I go to finish my orientation, yay!... not. I'm dying to start working at the restaurant, I'm looking forward to being a hostess. There are so many things I'm going to learn, and I have to say I love the perks!

Home life- We're still packing (and have a looonnngg way to go.) for the big move in a couple of weeks to the new apartment. My mom is totally on edge these days, so temperamental. I don't know entirely why because she refuses to tell me.

Oh.. I forgot to mention this weekend I'm going to Mardi Gras at Universal Studios! I'm so excited, it's going to be so fun. Earth, Wind, and Fire is performing, and I'm planning on having a few drinks because I'm not with my parents and damn it after the week I've had I disserve a freaking drink!
I'll post some pictures next week when I get them back.

Laters
XOXOXO

Still figuring this shit out.....

It bugs me so much that while I'm still getting used to this whole "adult" thing that I'm getting pressure to figure it out soon because I'm already 21 and apparently should have by now. Who the hell said that when you turn 18 you are handed the "Adulthood Manual: The guide to living life and making choices" what the fuck?!? It's like one night I went to bed at 17 and the next day I start hearing things like "well you should know that you're an adult now." again WHAT THE FUCK!? I have never pretended to know all the answers because I so don’t... so why am I now expected to magically have my life together at 21? I just don't get why it is that people who are two and three times my age who still are not even close to figuring life, much less them selves out are telling me I really need to get on the ball. Can we say oxymoron?

Don't even get my started on this whole purpose thing, I'm still reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (even though the web class is on chapter 7, going on 8 and I'm still on 4 because I had to put it off to study for the ACT.) and while I'll admit, I have learned a hell of a lot about myself I am still not much closer to "figuring" it all out. Grrrahhhh!... It's so damn frustrating! There's this song by LeAnn Rimes called What I Cannot Change and it's totally what I'm going through right now, If you want to listen to it check out my MySpace Page

This Monday I started orientation at my new job and while I enjoyed it for the most part I had a tougher day yesterday when I sort of twisted (or is it sprained) my ankle. So I had to take today off and reschedule for Sunday. Bright side? I get to sleep in the next few days... hahaha I guess my clumsiness kind of paid off. Down side? My lips are so chapped it hurts to smile.

Well I'm off to bed, the Vicodin I took for my ankle is kicking in.

Laters
XOXOXO

Why is life so complicated?....

Is a question I was asked tonight... In my opinion is life isn't really all that complicated, we all have and make choices, whether good or bad. Over the passed almost three years I've learned a lot about life and about myself. I've done more soul searching than I care to admit, pretty much to the point where I was sick of myself. But I have to admit it made me a better person, maybe I'm not as kind or delicate as some would like me to be but I am stronger and smarter for it. I've grown up a lot in the last few months, reading A New Earth by Echart Tolle has really helped me change my ways for the better. However the road to awareness and overall consciousness is a journey that must not be taken lightly, and everyone comes to it on their own time in their own way.

You are given the tools and all you can do is work with them. It's pretty simple when you think about it isn't it?

Until next time

XOXOXO

Good things come to those who wait?......

The other day I saw a guy I really liked a few months ago. I'll admit there were a few reasons why we never got together, one of them being that we both wanted different things out of a relationship. He is a little younger than I am and I've never even liked much less dated a younger guy before, mostly because I don't usually have anything in common with them. But this guy was different. He is so sweet, very thoughtful, and so funny too. Eventually I told him I thought it was a better idea for him to date a girl his age.

It's been roughly 8 months since that conversation, he's got a girlfriend he's crazy about and I'm happy for him, but I also have to admit I'm a little envious of her because he's such a great guy. But I know deep down we were not right for each other. But the coolest thing about it was that he showed me there are still good guys out there, even if they are hard to find.

It's so true good things come to those who wait.... Now if only I could get that patience thing down. ; )

Laters...
~*~Lo~*~

From Pesemist to Optimist?....

I'm moving to another apartment in a few weeks, which means: packing, something I hate almost as much as moving it self.

In packing my books and old pictures I started thinking back to all of the things I've gone through while living in my room that have in one way or another shaped who I am. Made me wonder When relationships end, romantic relationships or friendships. and you have no choice but to pack your things and move on: Does it really make you stronger?

Personally I'm on the fence on that one. I used to hate change because the possibility of losing something or someone I loved just broke my heart. Now I try to look at it in a different way, more like: Change can be positive, it can bring wonderful people and experiences into your life that you never imagined.

Who knows maybe I'm turning into an optimist.

Closure, aha! moments, and no regrets!...

Closure is a very funny thing to me. Just when you think you have it and all is well with the world you are slapped in the face with the reality that you apparently didn’t get as much closure after the fact as you thought. Underestimating one's emotions has proven to be a very big pain in the ass, at least for me. It's like that pesky stress rash I get on my hand when I'm totally freaking out about a test or something that has be under an enormous amount of tension. Then suddenly... you wake up and realize the only reason you don't have the closure you need is because a part of you is holding on to the past. Real bitch isn't it?

It isn't until wasn't until I finally got it through my head that I'm holding on to something that doesn't exist, more like the memory of something that once did. But now it's OVER and just like that...Aha!!... it hits me. I don’t need to hold on to it anymore, why? because it's toxic to hold on to something fictional. Don't you just love having those moments?!! This growing up thing isn't nearly easy like I thought when I used to eavesdrop on my families conversations when I was little. I thought being an adult would make something... magical happen. If I had a chance to go back and grow up again, I'd take my time and slow down. The awful thing about growing up too quickly is that you tend to not think things through as much as you probably should, thus regret things later.
So here's to closure, aha! moments, and no regrets!

Choices, burnt toast and spilled milk...

In the last couple of months I've been questioning what has been my passion for most of my life simply because of one comment. Until thanks to a little reminder I decided to fight back. I'm not going to let someone's opinion change my entire life's direction because of burnt toast and spilled milk. Let me explain that; someone can tell you something that is hurtful to you because THEY are just having a bad day, whether it's because of they burnt their toasts or spilled their milk. It's not fair but life isn't always fair. That’s where our choices come into play.

The past is something we all look back on with ether fondness or regret, is it normal to have regrets at such a young age? Sometimes I think I'm not old enough to have regrets but then again I may be 21 but I feel like I'm 40. It seems like so much has happened in my short life, more like the last few years that I desperately wish I could change. Some of it for my own selfish reasons and others because I know I hurt some when I didn't mean to. Making wrongs right, is that selfish or unselfish?

A lot of times it isn't about choosing what's right or wrong it's about what needs to be done, as much as it may hurt someone in the end. In my mind I know walking away was right but in my heart I still wonder, did I make the right choice? I so wish I was more carefree like someone of my friends but I can't pretend to be what I'm not, I like knowing where I'm going and what's happening next. When I don't I tend to panic, even if in my own mind.

Labels and sweet connections....

How do you find a label for something that helped shape the person you are (or are becoming) when it's more than a friendship and less than love? For way too long I've been trying to figure the answer to this. We had intimacy, not the kind you have when you're laying in bed after some mind blowing sex. The kind of intimacy you have when you both know you're souls connect through something other than love or sex. Then you come to a crossroads and need to make a choice for the better or for the worst, if you really don't want to walk away from something/someone but know in your mind you have to in order to grow or fulfill your life's purpose is it still worth regretting

I had such a person in my life with whom I shared the most amazing connection with but the real doozy was I'm still not sure what we were. I miss the bond we shared, long conversations about nothing and yet everything at the same time. How is it that I'm trying to find a label for something I can't quite comprehend myself? I'm not even sure I'm looking for an answer I think I'm just remembering one of the sweetest connections I've ever had.

A New Earth.....

For the last two weeks I've been doing this online class Oprah hosts along with the author of A New Earth: Awakening to your life's purpose. It's an incredibly eye opening book to say the least. I have a love affair going on with books, I can't get enough of them and enjoy them down to the last page. I've been trying to incorporate the things I've been learning while reading the book. Though I have to admit the change is gradual as you're changing an entire life's way of thinking and living. This book teaches you that you are a human being, a lot of times we focus on the human part. What everyone else sees or what we want everyone else to see and we tend to forget the being part of it. I'm learning to life in the moment, experience things I've been doing my entire life but really experiencing them for the firs time now at twenty-one. It truly feels like a new day, a new life, a fresh beginning.

If you want to buy this book or start the free online class you'll have to join the site but that is also free!

Oprah sign up page Join the class

Closure and a clear mind....

Closure is in my opinion a very complicated little bitch, at least for me. There have been when I wanted to be over something or someone and I think I sort of convinced myself that I in fact had closure. But then something happens that makes whatever it is that you're in denial about smack you right in the face and knock you down on your ass. Life has a nasty little habit of doing that, doesn't it?

For years my grandmother tell me that a clutter free house (or in my case room) is a clutter free mind. I always thought she told me that because she just wanted her way in having my room clean but now I'm starting to see that she's right. I do feel like I'm thinking more clearly than I usually do. There are so many changes happening in my life right now that I really just want to be ready for them.

Funny how something so simple can change so much. I am also working on my chronic tardiness. I'm usually late but now I'm scheduling everything, I have to if I'm ever going to get anything done.

If you want to do a link exchange send your link to LoLuv25@gmail.com

On another note: I am so crazy about Music it's one of my greatest passions, With that said I wanted to share one of my favorite songs by Josh Groban February Song

Teen Sex, Abstinence, and Parents.....

Don't you think it's rather odd that we live in a world where sex is constantly shoved down out eyeballs all day everyday, but we still have people questioning sex ed in schools? I was watching the Dr. Phill show was about teens and sex. It was a major debate which included Reverend T.D. Jakes and several other people including teens some who were pro-abstinence and other's pro-sex-ed. Not being a teenager for now on 2 years I still have a strong opinion about this. While I do agree that teens should be well informed about sex, how to protect yourself and abstinence. I also think that parents aren't being as vigilant or involved in their children's lives as they should be.

Personally I have a great relationship with my mom and I decided to have sex at 17 I also protected myself not only because she had discussed all of this before hand but because I had enough sense to inform myself. We need to have our parents get over their issues with sex and start doing their freaking jobs. It's only complicated because they're making it that way.

In my opinion we're going to keep having problems with teen sex, teen pregnancies, and this huge outbreak of STD's until parents take the bull by the horns and start doing their jobs as parents.

Until next time

XOXOXO

Spring Cleaning My LIFE!....

Ever think back to things you did or people you were friends with and ask yourself "What the hell was I thinking?!" I'm having such a moment right now. It's just hard to believe that I have done and eww..... worn some stupid shit, and what's really a shocker is that I have so much more coming my way since I'm only 21.

This passed week I've been cleaning out my room and getting rid of all those purses, shoes, clothes and yes, books I haven't used since God knows when, It only makes sense to donate it to GoodWill so maybe someone who can actually use it will get it. I heard somewhere "you have to get rid of the old to make room for the new." and that is exactly what I'm doing. I'll admit some of it is hard to get rid of because of the things I did, places I went and people I was with while I wore them but lets just say the peasant tops I loved wearing are soo... outdated. I personally love the peasant tops but alas times have changed and they really are not nearly as in now as they were a few years back. My ex hated when I wore them, he said they made me look old. Like I fucking cared! I love those tops, fucking deal with it!... Lately (though few people know this) I've been making changes in my life that have been a long time coming.

It all started a few weeks ago when I started reading a book I've had for like over a year, maybe even two. Titled: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt and it said something to the effect of cutting all ties with your ex at least for the time being in order for you to get over it and avoid doing something stupid like sleeping with him or clinging to the memory of your now dead and buried relationship. This made me realize I never actually did that on my terms, see when my ex dumped me (Yes, I was the dump-ee not the dump-er, I am woman enough to admit it.) we didn't speak for almost a year. After that time we E-mailed and talked over the phone, eventually we got together and yes, had sex. (I wanted sex badly!) But shortly after that I realized I was starting to think of him like I did before (pre-breakup) which was so not good, and unfortunately this also brings up the whole "Why is it easier for men to separate sex and love?" I of course kept this to myself because I, along with my friends know he's not good for me. But this is nether here nor there. Back to my "Aha!" moment; I decided if I was ever going to let go of all the baggage from my past (passed relationships included) I would have to do it on my terms and so begun the spring cleaning of my life.

I know to some people this may seem childish and perhaps idiotic but I know this was what I needed to move on. If I ever hope to (and I do.) have a healthy relationship with a man I need to cut this at the seem. Will I ever be able to have a friendship with him like I did before I am not sure, but I very much doubt that will happen. For now I'm making the changes in my life for the better and more importantly for me.

Lets face it in life you don't only make your choices but your choices make you.

Until next time readers....

Love L

Bitter Sweet Changes.....

Earlier today I started thinking about endings, and I'm not specifically talking about books or movies. I'm talking about endings in life, when you leave a job whether by choice or lack there of. Changing cities, boyfriends and so on...

I've never been a person who really loved changes and I think that's one of the things that are strange about how I work, I like structure but I also like spontaneity. I've had so many friends tell me how I never do anything without planning the hell out of it. Which I'll admit is usually the case but not as often as it used to be. Could it be that among all the changes happening in my life right now I'm also evolving into a slightly less plan-oriented person? Letting go of the old is really easier said than done in a lot of cases. Change, I'll admit it's not something I'm always happy to see but a lot of times I am.

My thing with change is not (always) really a fear of the unknown but giving up something I care about. Like graduating for example; I am so thrilled to be done with it but at the same time I will admit I am going to miss my teachers, the members of the S.A.B. Alisha (even though we talk almost everyday) and so many other things. It's a bitter-sweet ending to that chapter... Kind of like the ending of The Notebook, you're glad they were together but sad as to how it ended at the same time. Why is it change comes more easily for some than it does for others? I'm working on the whole be an "adult" thing, not really all that fun. There's so much to learn and I've lived a very sheltered and yes spoiled life. There are things I never learned to do because.. well.. I never really needed to learn them. Like yesterday I filed taxes for the first time in my life, I don't really know much about taxes except that I have no choice but to pay them. But to me little things like that are victories, small granted but victories none the less.

I think I'll get the hang of this adult thing eventually but for now I'm really just so excited about the things happening right now in my life; the fact that I'm taking the ACT test on April 12th (yes I'm excited about a test) and after that I can send in my applications for college for this fall, I honestly can't wait!!

I guess it's true what they say "When one door closes another one opens"