Yay 2009!!!……

Here I am another year older and hopefully wiser; I can’t believe I’m 22 or that it’s 2009! There’s so much that happened in 2008 that I wish I had taken more time to appreciate the moment fully. I was blessed to have my graduation ceremony for high school/GED, I started college, successfully completed my first semester with quite a descent GPA for my first semester 3.25, I made some amazing friends, learned more things than I expected to learn about music, life, love, sex, relationships, friendships, family, art, opera, theater, and myself.

I know what I’m about to say is going to sound terribly corny and silly but, here it goes: I made a resolution for 2008 that I am very proud to repot I actually kept- I swore I’d take chances, the inspiration for that resolution is Celine Dion’s Taking Chances CD and I am so happy I did because it made me a better person, a better friend, and taught me a lot about life. In one semester my life changed more than I could have expected to, I’m finally studying what I love Music, I got a talent scholarship to study music and even more shocking to me- I successfully performed before an audience and not only loved it but managed to overcome my performance anxiety. I am amazed at how God has truly showed me how powerful he is, I now understand that he really is in control. For many reasons over the last few years my faith was slowly dying but I know how powerful it is to know there’s someone on my side, going to school with me every day and guiding each step I take. Even though I feel small sometimes in that big school I know I am on the track that will get me to where I want to go.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

XOXO

WOW first post of 2009….

Here I am another year older and hopefully wiser; I can’t believe I’m 22 or that it’s 2009! There’s so much that happened in 2008 that I wish I had taken more time to appreciate the moment fully. I was blessed to have my graduation ceremony for high school/GED, I started college, successfully completed my first semester with quite a descent GPA for my first semester 3.25, I made some amazing friends, learned more things than I expected to learn about music, life, love, sex, relationships, friendships, family, art, opera, theater, and myself.

I know what I’m about to say is going to sound terribly corny and silly but, here it goes: I made a resolution for 2008 that I am very proud to repot I actually kept- I swore I’d take chances, the inspiration for that resolution is Celine Dion’s Taking Chances CD and I am so happy I did because it made me a better person, a better friend, and taught me a lot about life. In one semester my life changed more than I could have expected to, I’m finally studying what I love Music, I got a talent scholarship to study music and even more shocking to me- I successfully performed before an audience and not only loved it but managed to overcome my performance anxiety. I am amazed at how God has truly showed me how powerful he is, I now understand that he really is in control. For many reasons over the last few years my faith was slowly dying but I know how powerful it is to know there’s someone on my side, going to school with me every day and guiding each step I take. Even though I feel small sometimes in that big school I know I am on the track that will get me to where I want to go.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

XOXO

Voice jury verdict, or lack there of….

I made it through Voice Jury, I managed to get through my time slot without passing out or having a melt down and running out of the room. I sang Love has Eyes first which was originally my second song, and I’m very glad I did because half way through Gail Sole Dal Gange I forgot which part of the second verse went first. I know the dumbest thing ever, I know the lyrics but I couldn’t remember which part of it went first, it’s like they all jumbled up in my head.

Either way my voice teacher said she should have my grade by Monday, I’m slightly nervous to find out what it is, it’s probably a C I felt like a total idiot. Before my royal screw-up I was not doing that bad, the judges were smiling but I’m not sure if that was because I was sounding good or because they were trying to make me feel comfortable. I really don’t know, all I can do now is wait.

Where does the heart beat now….

Why is it that the things we want the most can prove to be the most difficult to obtain? Sometimes it feels like I’ve been looking for the “one” since I was five years old. There have been a few times in my seemingly long life that I thought I was close, and then fate proved me wrong. I’ve only truly loved one man in my life and my heart was shattered when it ended, and for a while there I didn’t think I’d ever again believe in love, much less find it again. But now that I’ve had time to lick my wounds and learn from my past I find that although I never thought I’d get over that huge blow, I find that I am now stronger and wiser than before. I guess it all depends on what you choose to do with the lemons life gives you, do you choose to make lemonade or do you choose to whine about the lemons you got?

Is something broken in me that cannot be fixed? Sometimes I ask myself that question, I haven’t had that; earth shaking, butterfly colony in my stomach, oh-my-god feeling in so long that I wonder if it’s me that’s the problem. After heartbreak, can you ever really love again? If you can is it ever truly honest or do you only share a part of yourself in order to self-protect in case it doesn’t work out and you are left again?

In the end is it all one big lie?

Focusing on what matters…

I’ve been doing research on colleges for the last few weeks because I needed the information for a paper I needed to do on the college I want attend for my bachelors degree. After I decided on Florida State University started the hard work, I logged onto that website so many times I lost count. There’s just so many little details that all go into one another. I have about a year to prepare for my audition in 2010 for the fall of that year. Yet, I still have to work on repertoire, fill out and send my applications, and before I do any of that I must get honor student status. I have to have a minimum of a 3.0 GPA just to apply to the school, that’s not to mention the rest of the things I have to do before I audition. I have a lot of work to do regarding Musicianship, I need to improve my sight singing skills and force myself to really practice every day. I don’t even know why I was spending so much time kissing W, what the hell was I thinking? Wasted time now I have to make up, see this is why I hate breaking from routine. It’s best to stick with what I know I need to do. I don’t have time to worry about foolishness like kissing some guy, or even dating. What on earth is that going to do for me when it comes to my auditions and school applications? Not a damn thing. So I’m shifting my focus from what doesn’t matter to what actually does.

It’s a new day ladies and gentlemen…

Tis the season for magic….

I’m so excited Christmas is almost here!!! I can’t wait to go shopping, I know this is a crazy time for shopping but I love the energy in the stores, the Christmas music, the feeling of joy in the cool weather. Ok maybe I’m sounding like I’m a little out of it, but I can’t help myself. I just love this time of year, it’s so cool to see how most people tend to have more compassion during this season, and it’s just so wonderful to see. I heard about this guy on TV this morning who had worked hard to buy his mom a diamond ring and was going to give it to her for Christmas but she died recently, so he dropped the ring in one of those salvation army Christmas collection buckets or something. He said he wanted to see it go to good use. People don’t do that usually at any other time, there’s just something magical about this time of year. I love it!

Jury!!!…..

I have jury coming up next Thursday which is the final for all music majors. You have to perform each piece you’ve been working on in the current semester. I’m so nervous, apparently it’s not really a big deal or so Ms. D says, she’s my voice teacher. I’m still nervous because I have to sing in front of the entire vocal faculty, I’m sure it will be the longest 10 minutes of my life. My Italian piece is coming along better than my English piece, which I find odd. Personally I am not so sure this song is a great song for me but whatever. Love has eyes is in and so is Gail Sole Dal Gange I’m so nervous! I hear it’s worse at other music colleges. I’m just going to walk into that room and sing my heart out, regardless of how scary it is, I have to face and get over my fears now. Like they say; there’s no time like the present.