Zeroing in on my target....

After doing so horribly last semester I have decided to completely change my focus and shift geers to something more important.- the end result.
I’ve spent too much time focusing on “getting through this semester.” Not spending enough time on focusing on the fact that everything I’m doing here in college is so I can get to University and get that much closer to my goal. Ladies and Gentelmen there’s a new Lorey in town and she’s focused and ready to take on the world! :)
Ok, I’m back now. I am putting myself not only on restriction where food is conderned, which is going very well but I’m aslo putting myself on male restriction. I have found that dating only distracts me, so, I’m staying focused on school and to hell with men, until I get to where I want/need to be. This is my future, my career and its far too important for me to lose focus on it for a man. There will be plenty of time for men once I’ve gotten what I want.. or at least until I’ve learned to balance things.

Going Organic.....

I believe in being eco friendly and living a green lifestyle. I believe we should preserve the world we live in and if possible to go vegetarian or vegan. I wish my life was as green as possible and that I could only eat organic foods. Until now, I knew some foods were bad for me, because of sugar, far, and flower contents. I had no idea how bad things really were until yesterday when I watched Food, Inc. It was the most eye opening thing I’d seen or read since watching the Inconvenient Truth a few years ago. I was, to say the least disgusted by the way companies and factory farms treat our food. I would have expected that something as important as the food that goes into our bodies would be a little more closely monitored than it is. I’m a realistic person, I know that the big chain markets are in it for the money and customers be damned. However, I had no idea that many farms here in America thought the same way. I’m attaching the trailers to both the documentaries mentioned in this post because I believe its something everyone should see. I’m not saying that my way of thinking is the only way, you choose what you will. This is my opinion, and my place to voice that.

I’m proud to say I’m educating myself so I can go Organic and I will be posting about what I learn and any information that would be useful.

Diet, weight loss and meal plans...

This morning I was surfing YouTube, it seems I’m going on there on a daily basis which is funny because I literally waste hours on there watching videos. Some are informative but others are pointless and have no value really. This morning, however, I was recommended a video regarding diet so I decided to watch it because, well what the heck did I have to lose? And she laid out kind of a meal plan that seemed reasonable. I like having meal plans, it makes me feel safe that I know exactly what I’m eating and whats in it along with how much its going to cost me. Call me crazy but I don’t like surprises when it comes to weight.

So, I’m going to try it because I can, damn it. I’ll write in to let you know if it works, people keep saying how its important to be healthy and all that crap, personally I don’t care about being the model of health rather I care about being thin.

I’m going to try it out and report on it.

Lo Luv <3>

Meant to be?...

I’ve been looking for “the One” since I first heard of this elusive man. I remember being about six years old and looking at boys I had crushes on at school and wondering which one of them I’d marry. I think maybe my grandma read too many fairytales to me and my mom took me to see one too many Disney movies. I don’t know why I’ve always felt like there was this person out there, where ever there is. That I was meant to be with, I am not sure if its because I felt some ten plus years later I could escape my reality and create the life I wanted or because I felt like I was missing something.

Fast forward seventeen years and I’ve been through some crap, had my heart broken by the first man I loved, took a chance by going out with a different type of guy that turned out to not really be so different and developed feelings for an older man that I should probably have kept my distance from. I’ve learned some valuable lessons when it comes to love and relationships, though I’m far from giving up on love I have come to the conclusion that when it comes down to it, there really are no rules for love. You can’t choose who you love any more than you can choose what name your parents will give you. In the end, its all about being happy with who you are, loving whoever that is, then if the “One” comes along, he’ll just make you all the more happier. If he doesn’t come along, you have family, friends and the knowledge that you are happy with your life and who you have turned out to be.

Purpose in life....

Purpose is something that many people are in search of, some because they need a change in their lives, others because they never really put in the time and work to figure it out. I’ve known I wanted to sing since I was three, it wasn’t until I was 18 that I figured out what I wanted to do was sing Opera. But even as a child I stayed focused on what I felt inside was what I was meant to do. I’m a big believer in strong instincts and I just felt in every bone in my body that this was the right thing for me.

Music is not an easy field to be in, take my word for it. The work is endless just to get a fraction closer to your goal. Semesters become about making it through your class, practice times, rehearsals, recitals and finally, juries. Most of us spend our days preparing for the performances of the semester. We’re mostly driven and inspired but there comes a point where we just don’t want to do it anymore, and that is when many chose to leave the music department. Some cant take the pressure, thats ok. This isn’t meant for everyone, just because you have a talent doesn’t mean that you have to use it. Unfortunately, I’ve known some people with tremendous vocal or instrumental abilities that they’ve just thrown away because they couldn’t take the pressure of deadlines and requirements, yet claimed they were willing to do whatever it took to reach their goal.

Making the changes happen...

After ages of not posting a single thing in this blog I’m back! Life has been very interesting over the last year; I’ve started my second year of college and I’m doing well, I got a job working on campus in a computer lab and have only recently resigned, I’ve made many new friends and had so many experiences that have had an impact on my life in so many ways. Finally, I got into a relationship with another music major and had it not work out. I didn’t see it coming. Honestly, I know I’m better off simply because while this relationship turned out to be an utter lie, I’ve learned that there is love after the devastating heartbreak I had a few years ago with “D”.  Now I am at a place in my life where I not only know where I want to be academically, professionally, and spiritually, but emotionally. It hit me that I’ve been going about this all wrong. How you ask? Because I realized, I don’t know shit about men. Like most women, I read the magazine articles, check out the websites, talk to my girlfriends, and when all else failed I asked my mother for advice. Not very great, is it?

In order for me  to play this game with the men, successfully, I have to know what the rules are and how the players think. This isn’t to say I’m going to make myself into something I’m not to play with the boys, what I am going to do is change my strategies. You may wonder what has brought on this sudden change. Well, this passed week I was dumped. Remember that relationship I mentioned earlier? Thats the one! I decided that if thinking like a woman hasn’t worked for me, why not try thinking like a man? 

Enter-Steve Harvey. Think like a Man, Act like a Lady1 This is an amazing title, so simple, yet such an amazing idea. I started reading the book the night before last, after watching The Ugly truth on Netflix. I also got some ideas from the movie (make a note to watch it, if you haven’t.) 

There are requirements I have, that I will no longer compromise. I didn’t think I was compromising but, I realize now, I was. This is what brings me back to this blog, I’ve decided that for a period of a year to apply the rules in that book, to see if things change. Of course, this means I’ll have to make some changes, which will begin immediately.

First, I will get my weight under control, while I’m doing this I will also change my style of dressing. I’m done dressing for comfort, I have to dress feminine and approachable. I’m also going to make the time to go out more, I’m 23 I need to start acting like it. I’m also going to keep busting my behind in school, because after all. I am an intelligent and successful woman, what kind of woman would I be if I turned into an idiot? None at all, thats what. I’m going to take control of what I can take control of, and whatever is not within my control, I’m going to let it go.

I will put these things into practice and talk about it on this blog, I’m going to make these changes over the course of a year. Here I will talk about it all, my weight woes, dating, flirting, school, and of course the changes in my wardrobe and love life.

It's time to get to work......

I’m nervous about starting my second year in college and it’s freaking me out. I’m taking on 19 credits and it’s not so much the credits that make me nervous it’s that I’m anxious about getting better and reaching the next level vocally. I still feel incredibly insecure in my voice and music theory studies. I just hate that feeling, so out of control that it really just drives me nuts! I want to be good, now. This I know is not going to happen overnight, it will take time and I just have to take time. I’ve realized that given the choice I’ve made in career it will require a lot of sacrifice, still I know it will be worth it. I can see this all happening right before my eyes, the time that music takes is well spent but absolutely overwhelming.

This semester I’m going to take Acting, a course I wanted to take this passed spring but couldn’t because I simply didn’t have the time and now the story isn’t much different but I want to connect with my pieces more easily and to understand drama more, simply by experiencing it from a different perspective. I wish I had the time and energy to spend in a practice room but I haven’t, now I’ve decided to make the time. I want to be the best, I want to reach the next level musically and to achieve this I have to make more sacrifices. Getting up early, staying up late and focusing on the tasks at hand, I can’t spend time on foolish things anymore.

Because it’s time to get to work, now more than ever.

Sore Throat, uneventful evenings...

It’s Saturday afternoon and I am feeling beyond crappy. My throat hurts quite a lot, I think I overdid it singing this passed week. I had three performances Monday through Wednesday and while only two of those were solo performances I still feel beyond drained. I am sleepy and at the same time so… irritated with myself. I was surprised to have my grandmother and uncle come to my recital and actually compliment my performance and voice. David even said I reminded him of queen of the night which is a huge compliment coming from him. I aspire to become an incredible performer like Diana Damrau, her passion and connection to her characters really do inspire me.

I could not sing a thing right now even if you asked me to, that is how sore and scratchy my throat is right now. Good thing is I don’t have Juries for another couple of weeks. Tonight I have the oh so exciting plans of watching Lipstick Jungle online.

Happy Singing to all!

Lorey

Check out the frames

So here’s the deal I have to wear my glasses, I hate that it makes me look like a middle schooler. Grrr… I don’t want to wear them but I need to because my eyes get so tired after reading for a while that it totally ruins my study time.

Living Courageously….

I think next semester I’ll take a writing course, I love reading the words of amazing female writers like Jane Austin, Charlotte Bronte and any woman who dared to think outside the confines of the world she lived in. When I think of how women of limited means were forced to live it makes me angry and terribly sad. I know Jane Austin remained single, and she lived through her art and seemed entirely happy with that arrangement. I don’t see why I would be any different.

I don’t want to marry, not anymore. I used to dream of having the perfect life, but now I understand that doesn’t exist. All I have to depend on is myself nothing is guaranteed. In addition to that; life is too short and for me that means there is no time to waste.

Kisses

     Love Lorey

Out of balance, out of whack…..

I feel so out of balance that I can’t even put it into words; I have been so focused on school and assignments that I haven’t given myself any time to read for fun, to exercise, do yoga or even practice meditation. I feel constantly drained, regardless of how much sleep I get I never feel rested, the other day I slept almost 12 hours straight and still I feel more and more on edge, I am constantly stressed anxious and more than that I keep getting bad headaches which leads me to take pills to get rid of it. I am so frustrated with myself that I don’t even know what to do anymore. I wish I could take yoga, I miss it so much, and I miss how relaxed I felt afterward. I’m going to put balance back in my life and that is all there is to it. I’m making a schedule for myself that I will probably have to get used to but I will thank myself for it in the end. Even if it means less time to aimlessly wonder through the channels on TV it will be a small sacrifice. Balance is what I need and damn it I’m going to get it.

Out of balance, out of whack…..

I feel so out of balance that I can’t even put it into words; I have been so focused on school and assignments that I haven’t given myself any time to read for fun, to exercise, do yoga or even practice meditation. I feel constantly drained, regardless of how much sleep I get I never feel rested, the other day I slept almost 12 hours straight and still I feel more and more on edge, I am constantly stressed anxious and more than that I keep getting bad headaches which leads me to take pills to get rid of it. I am so frustrated with myself that I don’t even know what to do anymore. I wish I could take yoga, I miss it so much, and I miss how relaxed I felt afterward. I’m going to put balance back in my life and that is all there is to it. I’m making a schedule for myself that I will probably have to get used to but I will thank myself for it in the end. Even if it means less time to aimlessly wonder through the channels on TV it will be a small sacrifice. Balance is what I need and damn it I’m going to get it.

No more sidelines?….

I’ve said many times that I’m interested or ready to date, when really I’ve taken every opportunity to run away from it. I was asked out last semester and said no, although I know that was the right choice because he wasn’t my type in addition to the whole thing just felling totally wrong I know that it was some progress, this time it’s going to be different I’m fully open to trial and error. I have a feeling something might happen soon, I’m not sure how but I’m not going to run if it feels right. I want a connection which is a really good starting point, and from there I’ll just take it one step at a time. I will take more risks this year this is my resolution, who knows maybe I’ll go rock climbing, I’ve always wanted to do it but I’ve never had the courage to do it. I want to live my life not just stand on the sidelines and watch everyone else live life.

Yay 2009!!!……

Here I am another year older and hopefully wiser; I can’t believe I’m 22 or that it’s 2009! There’s so much that happened in 2008 that I wish I had taken more time to appreciate the moment fully. I was blessed to have my graduation ceremony for high school/GED, I started college, successfully completed my first semester with quite a descent GPA for my first semester 3.25, I made some amazing friends, learned more things than I expected to learn about music, life, love, sex, relationships, friendships, family, art, opera, theater, and myself.

I know what I’m about to say is going to sound terribly corny and silly but, here it goes: I made a resolution for 2008 that I am very proud to repot I actually kept- I swore I’d take chances, the inspiration for that resolution is Celine Dion’s Taking Chances CD and I am so happy I did because it made me a better person, a better friend, and taught me a lot about life. In one semester my life changed more than I could have expected to, I’m finally studying what I love Music, I got a talent scholarship to study music and even more shocking to me- I successfully performed before an audience and not only loved it but managed to overcome my performance anxiety. I am amazed at how God has truly showed me how powerful he is, I now understand that he really is in control. For many reasons over the last few years my faith was slowly dying but I know how powerful it is to know there’s someone on my side, going to school with me every day and guiding each step I take. Even though I feel small sometimes in that big school I know I am on the track that will get me to where I want to go.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

XOXO

WOW first post of 2009….

Here I am another year older and hopefully wiser; I can’t believe I’m 22 or that it’s 2009! There’s so much that happened in 2008 that I wish I had taken more time to appreciate the moment fully. I was blessed to have my graduation ceremony for high school/GED, I started college, successfully completed my first semester with quite a descent GPA for my first semester 3.25, I made some amazing friends, learned more things than I expected to learn about music, life, love, sex, relationships, friendships, family, art, opera, theater, and myself.

I know what I’m about to say is going to sound terribly corny and silly but, here it goes: I made a resolution for 2008 that I am very proud to repot I actually kept- I swore I’d take chances, the inspiration for that resolution is Celine Dion’s Taking Chances CD and I am so happy I did because it made me a better person, a better friend, and taught me a lot about life. In one semester my life changed more than I could have expected to, I’m finally studying what I love Music, I got a talent scholarship to study music and even more shocking to me- I successfully performed before an audience and not only loved it but managed to overcome my performance anxiety. I am amazed at how God has truly showed me how powerful he is, I now understand that he really is in control. For many reasons over the last few years my faith was slowly dying but I know how powerful it is to know there’s someone on my side, going to school with me every day and guiding each step I take. Even though I feel small sometimes in that big school I know I am on the track that will get me to where I want to go.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

XOXO

Voice jury verdict, or lack there of….

I made it through Voice Jury, I managed to get through my time slot without passing out or having a melt down and running out of the room. I sang Love has Eyes first which was originally my second song, and I’m very glad I did because half way through Gail Sole Dal Gange I forgot which part of the second verse went first. I know the dumbest thing ever, I know the lyrics but I couldn’t remember which part of it went first, it’s like they all jumbled up in my head.

Either way my voice teacher said she should have my grade by Monday, I’m slightly nervous to find out what it is, it’s probably a C I felt like a total idiot. Before my royal screw-up I was not doing that bad, the judges were smiling but I’m not sure if that was because I was sounding good or because they were trying to make me feel comfortable. I really don’t know, all I can do now is wait.

Where does the heart beat now….

Why is it that the things we want the most can prove to be the most difficult to obtain? Sometimes it feels like I’ve been looking for the “one” since I was five years old. There have been a few times in my seemingly long life that I thought I was close, and then fate proved me wrong. I’ve only truly loved one man in my life and my heart was shattered when it ended, and for a while there I didn’t think I’d ever again believe in love, much less find it again. But now that I’ve had time to lick my wounds and learn from my past I find that although I never thought I’d get over that huge blow, I find that I am now stronger and wiser than before. I guess it all depends on what you choose to do with the lemons life gives you, do you choose to make lemonade or do you choose to whine about the lemons you got?

Is something broken in me that cannot be fixed? Sometimes I ask myself that question, I haven’t had that; earth shaking, butterfly colony in my stomach, oh-my-god feeling in so long that I wonder if it’s me that’s the problem. After heartbreak, can you ever really love again? If you can is it ever truly honest or do you only share a part of yourself in order to self-protect in case it doesn’t work out and you are left again?

In the end is it all one big lie?

Focusing on what matters…

I’ve been doing research on colleges for the last few weeks because I needed the information for a paper I needed to do on the college I want attend for my bachelors degree. After I decided on Florida State University started the hard work, I logged onto that website so many times I lost count. There’s just so many little details that all go into one another. I have about a year to prepare for my audition in 2010 for the fall of that year. Yet, I still have to work on repertoire, fill out and send my applications, and before I do any of that I must get honor student status. I have to have a minimum of a 3.0 GPA just to apply to the school, that’s not to mention the rest of the things I have to do before I audition. I have a lot of work to do regarding Musicianship, I need to improve my sight singing skills and force myself to really practice every day. I don’t even know why I was spending so much time kissing W, what the hell was I thinking? Wasted time now I have to make up, see this is why I hate breaking from routine. It’s best to stick with what I know I need to do. I don’t have time to worry about foolishness like kissing some guy, or even dating. What on earth is that going to do for me when it comes to my auditions and school applications? Not a damn thing. So I’m shifting my focus from what doesn’t matter to what actually does.

It’s a new day ladies and gentlemen…

Tis the season for magic….

I’m so excited Christmas is almost here!!! I can’t wait to go shopping, I know this is a crazy time for shopping but I love the energy in the stores, the Christmas music, the feeling of joy in the cool weather. Ok maybe I’m sounding like I’m a little out of it, but I can’t help myself. I just love this time of year, it’s so cool to see how most people tend to have more compassion during this season, and it’s just so wonderful to see. I heard about this guy on TV this morning who had worked hard to buy his mom a diamond ring and was going to give it to her for Christmas but she died recently, so he dropped the ring in one of those salvation army Christmas collection buckets or something. He said he wanted to see it go to good use. People don’t do that usually at any other time, there’s just something magical about this time of year. I love it!

Jury!!!…..

I have jury coming up next Thursday which is the final for all music majors. You have to perform each piece you’ve been working on in the current semester. I’m so nervous, apparently it’s not really a big deal or so Ms. D says, she’s my voice teacher. I’m still nervous because I have to sing in front of the entire vocal faculty, I’m sure it will be the longest 10 minutes of my life. My Italian piece is coming along better than my English piece, which I find odd. Personally I am not so sure this song is a great song for me but whatever. Love has eyes is in and so is Gail Sole Dal Gange I’m so nervous! I hear it’s worse at other music colleges. I’m just going to walk into that room and sing my heart out, regardless of how scary it is, I have to face and get over my fears now. Like they say; there’s no time like the present.