Still figuring this shit out.....

It bugs me so much that while I'm still getting used to this whole "adult" thing that I'm getting pressure to figure it out soon because I'm already 21 and apparently should have by now. Who the hell said that when you turn 18 you are handed the "Adulthood Manual: The guide to living life and making choices" what the fuck?!? It's like one night I went to bed at 17 and the next day I start hearing things like "well you should know that you're an adult now." again WHAT THE FUCK!? I have never pretended to know all the answers because I so don’t... so why am I now expected to magically have my life together at 21? I just don't get why it is that people who are two and three times my age who still are not even close to figuring life, much less them selves out are telling me I really need to get on the ball. Can we say oxymoron?

Don't even get my started on this whole purpose thing, I'm still reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (even though the web class is on chapter 7, going on 8 and I'm still on 4 because I had to put it off to study for the ACT.) and while I'll admit, I have learned a hell of a lot about myself I am still not much closer to "figuring" it all out. Grrrahhhh!... It's so damn frustrating! There's this song by LeAnn Rimes called What I Cannot Change and it's totally what I'm going through right now, If you want to listen to it check out my MySpace Page

This Monday I started orientation at my new job and while I enjoyed it for the most part I had a tougher day yesterday when I sort of twisted (or is it sprained) my ankle. So I had to take today off and reschedule for Sunday. Bright side? I get to sleep in the next few days... hahaha I guess my clumsiness kind of paid off. Down side? My lips are so chapped it hurts to smile.

Well I'm off to bed, the Vicodin I took for my ankle is kicking in.

Laters
XOXOXO

Choices, burnt toast and spilled milk...

In the last couple of months I've been questioning what has been my passion for most of my life simply because of one comment. Until thanks to a little reminder I decided to fight back. I'm not going to let someone's opinion change my entire life's direction because of burnt toast and spilled milk. Let me explain that; someone can tell you something that is hurtful to you because THEY are just having a bad day, whether it's because of they burnt their toasts or spilled their milk. It's not fair but life isn't always fair. That’s where our choices come into play.

The past is something we all look back on with ether fondness or regret, is it normal to have regrets at such a young age? Sometimes I think I'm not old enough to have regrets but then again I may be 21 but I feel like I'm 40. It seems like so much has happened in my short life, more like the last few years that I desperately wish I could change. Some of it for my own selfish reasons and others because I know I hurt some when I didn't mean to. Making wrongs right, is that selfish or unselfish?

A lot of times it isn't about choosing what's right or wrong it's about what needs to be done, as much as it may hurt someone in the end. In my mind I know walking away was right but in my heart I still wonder, did I make the right choice? I so wish I was more carefree like someone of my friends but I can't pretend to be what I'm not, I like knowing where I'm going and what's happening next. When I don't I tend to panic, even if in my own mind.