Change is a part of evolution....

This passed Sunday I had the confrontation of my life. I wont go into specifics because the details really are not that important. All I will say about it is that I was able to make it through without giving into my ego. It felt like everything I learned the passed few months with A New Earth and the webcast had just fallen into place within me. I didn't even feel like I was thinking, I didn't loose control. In fact the other person did, all because his ego and pain-body took over. While I know things will never go back to the way they were, I'm ok with that. I feel like I've grown as a person and I'm very satisfied with the recent changes in my life.

I have no idea what's next but I'm open to it.

Finally over!.....

I don't think I can express how happy I am that this week is over! I really was starting to think it was never going to finish. I met with one of my managers today and I start training this Tuesday. I can't believe in all the chaos I managed to see one seriously hot guy, Chef and so tall. At least it's entertainment haha... My feet are killing me and I'm so tired I can't think.

I'm off to bed.... ZZzzzzzz.........

Laters
XOXOXO

Still figuring this shit out.....

It bugs me so much that while I'm still getting used to this whole "adult" thing that I'm getting pressure to figure it out soon because I'm already 21 and apparently should have by now. Who the hell said that when you turn 18 you are handed the "Adulthood Manual: The guide to living life and making choices" what the fuck?!? It's like one night I went to bed at 17 and the next day I start hearing things like "well you should know that you're an adult now." again WHAT THE FUCK!? I have never pretended to know all the answers because I so don’t... so why am I now expected to magically have my life together at 21? I just don't get why it is that people who are two and three times my age who still are not even close to figuring life, much less them selves out are telling me I really need to get on the ball. Can we say oxymoron?

Don't even get my started on this whole purpose thing, I'm still reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (even though the web class is on chapter 7, going on 8 and I'm still on 4 because I had to put it off to study for the ACT.) and while I'll admit, I have learned a hell of a lot about myself I am still not much closer to "figuring" it all out. Grrrahhhh!... It's so damn frustrating! There's this song by LeAnn Rimes called What I Cannot Change and it's totally what I'm going through right now, If you want to listen to it check out my MySpace Page

This Monday I started orientation at my new job and while I enjoyed it for the most part I had a tougher day yesterday when I sort of twisted (or is it sprained) my ankle. So I had to take today off and reschedule for Sunday. Bright side? I get to sleep in the next few days... hahaha I guess my clumsiness kind of paid off. Down side? My lips are so chapped it hurts to smile.

Well I'm off to bed, the Vicodin I took for my ankle is kicking in.

Laters
XOXOXO

Why is life so complicated?....

Is a question I was asked tonight... In my opinion is life isn't really all that complicated, we all have and make choices, whether good or bad. Over the passed almost three years I've learned a lot about life and about myself. I've done more soul searching than I care to admit, pretty much to the point where I was sick of myself. But I have to admit it made me a better person, maybe I'm not as kind or delicate as some would like me to be but I am stronger and smarter for it. I've grown up a lot in the last few months, reading A New Earth by Echart Tolle has really helped me change my ways for the better. However the road to awareness and overall consciousness is a journey that must not be taken lightly, and everyone comes to it on their own time in their own way.

You are given the tools and all you can do is work with them. It's pretty simple when you think about it isn't it?

Until next time

XOXOXO

Good things come to those who wait?......

The other day I saw a guy I really liked a few months ago. I'll admit there were a few reasons why we never got together, one of them being that we both wanted different things out of a relationship. He is a little younger than I am and I've never even liked much less dated a younger guy before, mostly because I don't usually have anything in common with them. But this guy was different. He is so sweet, very thoughtful, and so funny too. Eventually I told him I thought it was a better idea for him to date a girl his age.

It's been roughly 8 months since that conversation, he's got a girlfriend he's crazy about and I'm happy for him, but I also have to admit I'm a little envious of her because he's such a great guy. But I know deep down we were not right for each other. But the coolest thing about it was that he showed me there are still good guys out there, even if they are hard to find.

It's so true good things come to those who wait.... Now if only I could get that patience thing down. ; )

Laters...
~*~Lo~*~

From Pesemist to Optimist?....

I'm moving to another apartment in a few weeks, which means: packing, something I hate almost as much as moving it self.

In packing my books and old pictures I started thinking back to all of the things I've gone through while living in my room that have in one way or another shaped who I am. Made me wonder When relationships end, romantic relationships or friendships. and you have no choice but to pack your things and move on: Does it really make you stronger?

Personally I'm on the fence on that one. I used to hate change because the possibility of losing something or someone I loved just broke my heart. Now I try to look at it in a different way, more like: Change can be positive, it can bring wonderful people and experiences into your life that you never imagined.

Who knows maybe I'm turning into an optimist.

Labels and sweet connections....

How do you find a label for something that helped shape the person you are (or are becoming) when it's more than a friendship and less than love? For way too long I've been trying to figure the answer to this. We had intimacy, not the kind you have when you're laying in bed after some mind blowing sex. The kind of intimacy you have when you both know you're souls connect through something other than love or sex. Then you come to a crossroads and need to make a choice for the better or for the worst, if you really don't want to walk away from something/someone but know in your mind you have to in order to grow or fulfill your life's purpose is it still worth regretting

I had such a person in my life with whom I shared the most amazing connection with but the real doozy was I'm still not sure what we were. I miss the bond we shared, long conversations about nothing and yet everything at the same time. How is it that I'm trying to find a label for something I can't quite comprehend myself? I'm not even sure I'm looking for an answer I think I'm just remembering one of the sweetest connections I've ever had.

Closure and a clear mind....

Closure is in my opinion a very complicated little bitch, at least for me. There have been when I wanted to be over something or someone and I think I sort of convinced myself that I in fact had closure. But then something happens that makes whatever it is that you're in denial about smack you right in the face and knock you down on your ass. Life has a nasty little habit of doing that, doesn't it?

For years my grandmother tell me that a clutter free house (or in my case room) is a clutter free mind. I always thought she told me that because she just wanted her way in having my room clean but now I'm starting to see that she's right. I do feel like I'm thinking more clearly than I usually do. There are so many changes happening in my life right now that I really just want to be ready for them.

Funny how something so simple can change so much. I am also working on my chronic tardiness. I'm usually late but now I'm scheduling everything, I have to if I'm ever going to get anything done.

If you want to do a link exchange send your link to LoLuv25@gmail.com

On another note: I am so crazy about Music it's one of my greatest passions, With that said I wanted to share one of my favorite songs by Josh Groban February Song

Spring Cleaning My LIFE!....

Ever think back to things you did or people you were friends with and ask yourself "What the hell was I thinking?!" I'm having such a moment right now. It's just hard to believe that I have done and eww..... worn some stupid shit, and what's really a shocker is that I have so much more coming my way since I'm only 21.

This passed week I've been cleaning out my room and getting rid of all those purses, shoes, clothes and yes, books I haven't used since God knows when, It only makes sense to donate it to GoodWill so maybe someone who can actually use it will get it. I heard somewhere "you have to get rid of the old to make room for the new." and that is exactly what I'm doing. I'll admit some of it is hard to get rid of because of the things I did, places I went and people I was with while I wore them but lets just say the peasant tops I loved wearing are soo... outdated. I personally love the peasant tops but alas times have changed and they really are not nearly as in now as they were a few years back. My ex hated when I wore them, he said they made me look old. Like I fucking cared! I love those tops, fucking deal with it!... Lately (though few people know this) I've been making changes in my life that have been a long time coming.

It all started a few weeks ago when I started reading a book I've had for like over a year, maybe even two. Titled: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt and it said something to the effect of cutting all ties with your ex at least for the time being in order for you to get over it and avoid doing something stupid like sleeping with him or clinging to the memory of your now dead and buried relationship. This made me realize I never actually did that on my terms, see when my ex dumped me (Yes, I was the dump-ee not the dump-er, I am woman enough to admit it.) we didn't speak for almost a year. After that time we E-mailed and talked over the phone, eventually we got together and yes, had sex. (I wanted sex badly!) But shortly after that I realized I was starting to think of him like I did before (pre-breakup) which was so not good, and unfortunately this also brings up the whole "Why is it easier for men to separate sex and love?" I of course kept this to myself because I, along with my friends know he's not good for me. But this is nether here nor there. Back to my "Aha!" moment; I decided if I was ever going to let go of all the baggage from my past (passed relationships included) I would have to do it on my terms and so begun the spring cleaning of my life.

I know to some people this may seem childish and perhaps idiotic but I know this was what I needed to move on. If I ever hope to (and I do.) have a healthy relationship with a man I need to cut this at the seem. Will I ever be able to have a friendship with him like I did before I am not sure, but I very much doubt that will happen. For now I'm making the changes in my life for the better and more importantly for me.

Lets face it in life you don't only make your choices but your choices make you.

Until next time readers....

Love L