Change is a part of evolution....

This passed Sunday I had the confrontation of my life. I wont go into specifics because the details really are not that important. All I will say about it is that I was able to make it through without giving into my ego. It felt like everything I learned the passed few months with A New Earth and the webcast had just fallen into place within me. I didn't even feel like I was thinking, I didn't loose control. In fact the other person did, all because his ego and pain-body took over. While I know things will never go back to the way they were, I'm ok with that. I feel like I've grown as a person and I'm very satisfied with the recent changes in my life.

I have no idea what's next but I'm open to it.

While reading A New Earth I've learned so much about myself and the people around me. I'm also grateful for the opportunity I've had while taking these classes on Oprah.com. There's just something I'm having trouble with. The Pain-body, getting rid of it is easier said than done. I'm now on Chapter 7 (yes, I know very behind in the book.) but I still feel like I'm missing something, I think I'm going to go back to Chapter 3 and re-read it from there. I think that maybe where I started to lose my concentration.

On another note: Yesterday at the job agency (which I hated) I took a typing test and found out I type 38 words per minute with a 99% accuracy. That’s more than anyone I know. I'm so thrilled!

Today I'm going to a job agency for an interview and hopefully get a job in the next few days. I have to get this negativity out of my head because I'm dreading it and I don't know why exactly, maybe fear of the unknown? I just really want to feel good about it, how do you force yourself to be present and not resist it? this is a good thing they specialize in permanent placement, they want to get you a job you'll be happy with.

I'm going to do some meditating, maybe that will help.

Laters

XOXOXO

Endless 'To Do' List....

The last few days I felt kind of down because I felt a pretty much like an idiot when I got it through my thick skull that I couldn't take this hostess job for a second longer. I thought it was going to be easier than it was, can you say wrong?
So I was feeling like a total spazz for not being able to cut it. Now Tuesday monring I have an interview for this company downtown and I can't wait! (Yes, it's the one I mentioned in my previous post.)

I can't believe the New Earth classes on Oprah.com are almost over, I have to catch up on like four weeks of the book. I've totally gotten distracted by everything that's been happening the job at Universal Studios that I sucked at, the ACT test and oh yeah I'll have to retake that because I totally fucked it up. Aside from that I've been working on my room because I'm no where near packed, which is one of the reasons why we're staying in this apartment another month. Why is moving so freaking complicated!

Anyways tonight I'm sitting here listening to Melissa Etheridge thinking about all the changes that have been happening in my life these passed few months. It's not that I'm not happy about it, it's simply that I feel like a total dork for not catching up to things faster. Ether way I'm alright, better than alright I'm content... at least for the time being.

Now if only I could get this college to be a thing checked on my To Do list, I'd be a little less stressed. but I'm trying to put into practice the New Earth Principles. I'll live is what I'm trying to say...

Laters
XOXOXO

Hostess no more....

So working as a hostess was not even close to what I was expecting and after two days I quit. It was way too much for me and I just couldn't take it. So I'm going back to reception jobs, I applied for some and this one that starts at $10.00 full time.

On another note: I don't know what is wrong but I have like no freaking desire to work on my music, it's like I have no passion. Somewhere along the line I lost my way. It used to be all about the music, I couldn't wait to practice and now I pretty much dread it. But I'm making it change one way or another, I realized I'm not present when I practice. I sing just for the hell of it because I feel like I have to. That's not how I should be approaching something that used to give me so much joy. I think I have let the stresses and distractions of my life derail me from the path I was on, I need to make little goals for myself. Kind of like stepping stones and take it one step at a time.


Well I'm off...
XOXOXOXO

Note to the readers....

Tonight I while watching the Oprah episode from this afternoon I decided to edit a post and to my surprise I found 4 comments from previous posts. I'm so happy to hear your feedback, while it's true I post on often about all these thoughts I have bouncing around in my head I do like the interaction with people I may or may not know. If there's one thing I've learned in the last couple of years is that we are all different in many ways but deep down we're all the same because we're all human. I want to take the time to say thank you to all of you who read my blog and took time to comment, please keep it up, I love hearing from you and it really means a lot to know that my thoughts aren't just going out into the great black hole that is the internet. Because I've gotten a few messages on MySpace asking about where they can send E-mails I've made a new one LoLuv25@live.com

Looking forward to reading more from my readers... lol ok even I had to laugh at that one : )
Before I go I wanted to mention that I am on several sites and if you like the blog please vote for it.

Laters
XOXOXO

Still figuring this shit out.....

It bugs me so much that while I'm still getting used to this whole "adult" thing that I'm getting pressure to figure it out soon because I'm already 21 and apparently should have by now. Who the hell said that when you turn 18 you are handed the "Adulthood Manual: The guide to living life and making choices" what the fuck?!? It's like one night I went to bed at 17 and the next day I start hearing things like "well you should know that you're an adult now." again WHAT THE FUCK!? I have never pretended to know all the answers because I so don’t... so why am I now expected to magically have my life together at 21? I just don't get why it is that people who are two and three times my age who still are not even close to figuring life, much less them selves out are telling me I really need to get on the ball. Can we say oxymoron?

Don't even get my started on this whole purpose thing, I'm still reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (even though the web class is on chapter 7, going on 8 and I'm still on 4 because I had to put it off to study for the ACT.) and while I'll admit, I have learned a hell of a lot about myself I am still not much closer to "figuring" it all out. Grrrahhhh!... It's so damn frustrating! There's this song by LeAnn Rimes called What I Cannot Change and it's totally what I'm going through right now, If you want to listen to it check out my MySpace Page

This Monday I started orientation at my new job and while I enjoyed it for the most part I had a tougher day yesterday when I sort of twisted (or is it sprained) my ankle. So I had to take today off and reschedule for Sunday. Bright side? I get to sleep in the next few days... hahaha I guess my clumsiness kind of paid off. Down side? My lips are so chapped it hurts to smile.

Well I'm off to bed, the Vicodin I took for my ankle is kicking in.

Laters
XOXOXO

Why is life so complicated?....

Is a question I was asked tonight... In my opinion is life isn't really all that complicated, we all have and make choices, whether good or bad. Over the passed almost three years I've learned a lot about life and about myself. I've done more soul searching than I care to admit, pretty much to the point where I was sick of myself. But I have to admit it made me a better person, maybe I'm not as kind or delicate as some would like me to be but I am stronger and smarter for it. I've grown up a lot in the last few months, reading A New Earth by Echart Tolle has really helped me change my ways for the better. However the road to awareness and overall consciousness is a journey that must not be taken lightly, and everyone comes to it on their own time in their own way.

You are given the tools and all you can do is work with them. It's pretty simple when you think about it isn't it?

Until next time

XOXOXO

A New Earth.....

For the last two weeks I've been doing this online class Oprah hosts along with the author of A New Earth: Awakening to your life's purpose. It's an incredibly eye opening book to say the least. I have a love affair going on with books, I can't get enough of them and enjoy them down to the last page. I've been trying to incorporate the things I've been learning while reading the book. Though I have to admit the change is gradual as you're changing an entire life's way of thinking and living. This book teaches you that you are a human being, a lot of times we focus on the human part. What everyone else sees or what we want everyone else to see and we tend to forget the being part of it. I'm learning to life in the moment, experience things I've been doing my entire life but really experiencing them for the firs time now at twenty-one. It truly feels like a new day, a new life, a fresh beginning.

If you want to buy this book or start the free online class you'll have to join the site but that is also free!

Oprah sign up page Join the class