Finally over!.....

I don't think I can express how happy I am that this week is over! I really was starting to think it was never going to finish. I met with one of my managers today and I start training this Tuesday. I can't believe in all the chaos I managed to see one seriously hot guy, Chef and so tall. At least it's entertainment haha... My feet are killing me and I'm so tired I can't think.

I'm off to bed.... ZZzzzzzz.........

Laters
XOXOXO

Why is life so complicated?....

Is a question I was asked tonight... In my opinion is life isn't really all that complicated, we all have and make choices, whether good or bad. Over the passed almost three years I've learned a lot about life and about myself. I've done more soul searching than I care to admit, pretty much to the point where I was sick of myself. But I have to admit it made me a better person, maybe I'm not as kind or delicate as some would like me to be but I am stronger and smarter for it. I've grown up a lot in the last few months, reading A New Earth by Echart Tolle has really helped me change my ways for the better. However the road to awareness and overall consciousness is a journey that must not be taken lightly, and everyone comes to it on their own time in their own way.

You are given the tools and all you can do is work with them. It's pretty simple when you think about it isn't it?

Until next time

XOXOXO

Closure, aha! moments, and no regrets!...

Closure is a very funny thing to me. Just when you think you have it and all is well with the world you are slapped in the face with the reality that you apparently didn’t get as much closure after the fact as you thought. Underestimating one's emotions has proven to be a very big pain in the ass, at least for me. It's like that pesky stress rash I get on my hand when I'm totally freaking out about a test or something that has be under an enormous amount of tension. Then suddenly... you wake up and realize the only reason you don't have the closure you need is because a part of you is holding on to the past. Real bitch isn't it?

It isn't until wasn't until I finally got it through my head that I'm holding on to something that doesn't exist, more like the memory of something that once did. But now it's OVER and just like that...Aha!!... it hits me. I don’t need to hold on to it anymore, why? because it's toxic to hold on to something fictional. Don't you just love having those moments?!! This growing up thing isn't nearly easy like I thought when I used to eavesdrop on my families conversations when I was little. I thought being an adult would make something... magical happen. If I had a chance to go back and grow up again, I'd take my time and slow down. The awful thing about growing up too quickly is that you tend to not think things through as much as you probably should, thus regret things later.
So here's to closure, aha! moments, and no regrets!

Choices, burnt toast and spilled milk...

In the last couple of months I've been questioning what has been my passion for most of my life simply because of one comment. Until thanks to a little reminder I decided to fight back. I'm not going to let someone's opinion change my entire life's direction because of burnt toast and spilled milk. Let me explain that; someone can tell you something that is hurtful to you because THEY are just having a bad day, whether it's because of they burnt their toasts or spilled their milk. It's not fair but life isn't always fair. That’s where our choices come into play.

The past is something we all look back on with ether fondness or regret, is it normal to have regrets at such a young age? Sometimes I think I'm not old enough to have regrets but then again I may be 21 but I feel like I'm 40. It seems like so much has happened in my short life, more like the last few years that I desperately wish I could change. Some of it for my own selfish reasons and others because I know I hurt some when I didn't mean to. Making wrongs right, is that selfish or unselfish?

A lot of times it isn't about choosing what's right or wrong it's about what needs to be done, as much as it may hurt someone in the end. In my mind I know walking away was right but in my heart I still wonder, did I make the right choice? I so wish I was more carefree like someone of my friends but I can't pretend to be what I'm not, I like knowing where I'm going and what's happening next. When I don't I tend to panic, even if in my own mind.

Bitter Sweet Changes.....

Earlier today I started thinking about endings, and I'm not specifically talking about books or movies. I'm talking about endings in life, when you leave a job whether by choice or lack there of. Changing cities, boyfriends and so on...

I've never been a person who really loved changes and I think that's one of the things that are strange about how I work, I like structure but I also like spontaneity. I've had so many friends tell me how I never do anything without planning the hell out of it. Which I'll admit is usually the case but not as often as it used to be. Could it be that among all the changes happening in my life right now I'm also evolving into a slightly less plan-oriented person? Letting go of the old is really easier said than done in a lot of cases. Change, I'll admit it's not something I'm always happy to see but a lot of times I am.

My thing with change is not (always) really a fear of the unknown but giving up something I care about. Like graduating for example; I am so thrilled to be done with it but at the same time I will admit I am going to miss my teachers, the members of the S.A.B. Alisha (even though we talk almost everyday) and so many other things. It's a bitter-sweet ending to that chapter... Kind of like the ending of The Notebook, you're glad they were together but sad as to how it ended at the same time. Why is it change comes more easily for some than it does for others? I'm working on the whole be an "adult" thing, not really all that fun. There's so much to learn and I've lived a very sheltered and yes spoiled life. There are things I never learned to do because.. well.. I never really needed to learn them. Like yesterday I filed taxes for the first time in my life, I don't really know much about taxes except that I have no choice but to pay them. But to me little things like that are victories, small granted but victories none the less.

I think I'll get the hang of this adult thing eventually but for now I'm really just so excited about the things happening right now in my life; the fact that I'm taking the ACT test on April 12th (yes I'm excited about a test) and after that I can send in my applications for college for this fall, I honestly can't wait!!

I guess it's true what they say "When one door closes another one opens"